Feeling.

This is an old poem, that I found today.. I kinda like it.

-----

It's not your memory that haunts me,
I'm completely over you.
It's the realization that you crushed me,
And there's nothing I can do.

Somehow, you convinced me to trust you..
That's when I began to fall.
I gave you the most fragile parts of me,
And in return you broke them all.

You're the only one who knew the real me,
Yet I lost myself in you.
Every moment that we shared together,
I thought your words were true.

I now know that I didn't love you,
But I loved who you'd pretend to be.
Your very existence makes my heart ache,
Though not in longing; in pity.

To have given you such power,
Was a fault upon my part.
Still I have grown strong, despite you,
And you no longer hold my heart.

Thankful.

"Where there are friends, there is wealth." -Titus Muccius Plautus

-----------

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I want to take the time to acknowledge all the friendships I've been blessed with.
Friends are the people that hold you together, push you forward, and lift you up. Without my friends, I would've crumbled a long time ago.
Honestly, I consider those people some of the greatest miracles I've ever experienced.

People are in our lives for a reason. Sometimes they teach us how to love, and sometimes they teach us how to lose.
It's okay for friendships to grow and change and develop.
Occassionally, we get too focused on what the future holds, and forget to be grateful for the people we have in our lives right now.

Friends should be people that you love. People that make you feel infinite.
Those are the kinds of friends I have.

When I'm upset, they can tell right away. It's almost as if my friends know me better than I know myself sometimes.
They protect me. Teach me. Help me.

My friends encourage and challenge me. They pray for and with me. They hold me accountable to my faith. They help me discover Truth in ways I never could have imagined.

One of the hardest things to learn, though, is that not everyone can or should be your friend. Friendships require commitment. They require connection. And they require care.

Friendships aren't always meant to last forever, either.
Sometimes God sends us people only for a season, yet other times He gives us people that we'll keep forever. It's a hard proccess, letting go. But sometimes we need to lose the people holding us back in order to receive someone so incredible, you don't understand how you lived without them.

If you have true friends, don't let them go. Don't take advantage of them. Never forget to tell your friends exactly how much they mean to you.
These are the people that shape you. You shape them.
You're in this TOGETHER.

Life is faaaaaaaantastic.
Don't you agree? I mean, honestly.. Things have never been better!

The last few weeks, God has been moving so much in my life and in the lives of those around me. I'm experiencing all kinds of things that I never dreamed would happen to me.

I've gotten some incredible new people in my life.

Nathan is the absolute best friend I have ever had. I mean that.
Emily and Joslyn know how to make me smile no matter what.
Wes is one goofy kid, but he's great!


There's just so many blessings that I can't explain.
I'm insanely insanely insanely excited for January to get here.


I see all these people around me, struggling. All I want to do is reach out and help them.
I know God is confirming His calling in my life.
I'm so ready; Life is good. :)

Let's Dance.

Put on your red shoes, and let's dance the blues away.

The future. It's such an incredible thing. I get so excited when I think about all the crazy, passionate, new things I get to experience everyday.
I feel like God is definitely beginning some amazing things in my life.
It makes me want to dance.

Everyone I've met lately has been a total blessing. These people have pushed me, inspired me, and most of all, grown me.
I finally have people in my life that love the Lord as much as I do, and that I can trust completely with everything in me.
It's a brand new feeling that I adore.
All I can hear is the sound of love. It makes me move and celebrate. I want to dance.

I move to Ozark to begin JRLC in just a couple months, and each day I grow more anxious. As soon as I get into the city limits of that town, everything just falls into place. There's no stress, tension, or worry. It just feels safe. It feels like home.
And to make it even better, JRLC is filled with people I love that are chasing after God with all they have. It's so anointed. Full of worship and awe, I want to dance.

I know that everyone has the mindset that we should "live for today," and that "we can't take the present for granted".. But I am so ready for a new chapter.
I am so excited to receive new things and stretch myself to new extremes.
I'm looking to the future with eager eyes, and a heart full of hope.
Life's already so good, and this is just the beginning.
Seriously.. Let's dance.

Passion.

Passion: –noun
1. any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.
2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.

Passion. That sounds familiar, doesn't it?
We all have passion. We all have that one thing that drives us. It's the reason we get up each morning and face the day.
Maybe we have multiple passions. They blend together in order to inspire us. Passion is found behind every lyric, every word, every painting.

I'm passionate about God. About my friends and family. About art. About hope. About healing. About laughter.

These things push me forward. When I feel excited, discouraged, or anxious, its driven by my passion. It consumes me.

My passion makes me want to scream and sing and dance. It makes me want to cry and sigh and rest. It provides an outlet to all of the craziness that follows me. It can save the world, or destroy it.

Passion is a powerful thing.

What's your passion - Have you found it?
And more importantly, what are we gonna do with it?

Love at First Sight.

ON MY MIND:

Have you ever met someone, and immediately known you would be friends?
One look, and you KNEW..

That's my version of "Love at First Sight."
I don't think you'll fall in love romantically, but you can find a soul-mate.
By soul-mate, I mean someone you were supposed to meet.

I'm not meaning this to sound crazy, or random. But I completely believe that God has ordained for us to be friends with certain people. We have soul ties with them.
They're few and far between, but when you meet them, you'll know.

Sometimes it's subtle, and you'll think to yourself, "I could really get along with this guy."
Other times, one smile can make you best friends for life.

I wanna be that friend to everyone I meet. When you see me, I want us to love. Love because we're both happy, or both hurting, or both alive. We've all got something to start on.

It's the sweetest feeling in the world, to meet someone and just... click.

all the other kids.

today's gonna be different. i can feel it.
i'm super tired, and my eyes are burning, but it's gonna be a good day.

i spent last night with my dad and brother, watching movies and eating shrimp and pizza, then making a healthy eating and workout plan.
(that begins today!)
i love little moments like that. to think that it could be one of the last times that we can just sit down together and hangout.. that's no bueno.

my mom sent me an invite to go to the aaron gillespie show this weekend. i really wanted to go, but now i think there's a chance we could go together.
i love my mom.

i'm looking forward to church tonight. i teach friends, which is group of girls between ten and twelve. this is my third or fourth month teaching, and i love it. it's amazing what these girls go through. i'm learning how they think and feel about little things. we talk about everything from sex to the holy spirit, and i see them mature in Christ a little more each week.
i think tonight's lesson will be surrounding gossip. it's something that never goes away, and they need to know how to see it and stop lies right in their path.
i'm so grateful that i had Godly people in my life, showing me how to live for Him.. and now i get to show them.
it's such a blessing.

as much as i wish i could pour my heart out on this blog, it's not all about my days. it's about life. life as a whole. the fact that it's beautiful and unpredictable and valuable.
i want to make a difference in someone else's life, just by living my own.

Have Faith in Me

"Have faith in me, cause there are things that I've seen, that I don't believe. So cling to what you know, and never let go... You should know things aren't always what they seem."

Today's Tuesday.
I feel a sort of vagueness at times, as I go through my everyday life. I don't really feel like I'm living in the "now." I always look towards the future, because I know it holds great and beautiful things. I just hope I'm not taking today for granted.
There are things that I want, people I miss, and dreams I hope to make reality.
Right now, I feel untouchable. I feel as if all of those wishes will be fulfilled, and even more than I can imagine.

I want to be an artist. A leader. A witness. A mother. A wife. A refuge.
I want to be all the things that everyone has been to me, because I live an incredibly blessed life.

I smile a little more each day, even as stress and issues pile up. It's been serene. I love it.
I'm having fun again.

I can't wait to see where life takes me. Whether it's around the world, or if I stay here forever, I'll be happy.

I just want to be.
I want to be with someone I love. I want to be with someone who loves me. I want to love everyone I meet, and share the truth of Jesus Christ in the process.
I want to teach and learn and grow and guide.

Each day, I realize a little more just how much today matters, and how little all our worries really are.
We're gonna come out of each struggle even stronger than we were before.
We're getting quicker, and learning how to swim.

I'm gonna be someone I can be proud of.
Have faith in me.♥

Beautiful Things.

here's a little bit about me, to start off a whole new season of my life.

loved: art. music. photography. Jesus. family. gungor. laughter. traveling. concerts. folk music. coffee. TOMS. ukuleles. lace. buttons. pizza rolls. necklaces. the yankees. pastels. curls. glasses. loafers. leggings. accents. books. the bible. pretty little liars. journaling. classes. autumn. puppies. pools. pumpkin pie. jalapenos. supreme pizza. Chicago. holding hands. the superbowl. moccasins. chris august. catch phrases. boating. frames. vacations. beads. kittens. kiddies. jokes. gifts. mirrors. glitter. big rings. movies. sunburns. steve jobs. steve carrell. James River Assembly. snapshots. apple products. hugs. boots. little cars. big trucks. drums. artists. video games. poetry. screamo. karaoke. dancing. sleeping. eating. rivers, lakes, oceans. mountains. babies. inside jokes. precious moments. church. grilled cheese. driving. talking. smiling. you.


not so loved: big birds. spiders. confrontation. anger. baked pizza rolls. sweating. skipping. missing. being late. being early. mashed potatoes. math. science. homework. stress. boredom.

bliss

school's out, but it hasn't felt like summer yet. we went to graduation last night, and it was bittersweet. i'm beyond proud of scotty and alex and everyone, but i can't stand the thought of facing school without them.

i've been over-thinking a LOT lately.. and it makes me feel guilty. i haven't done anything wrong, i just feel like i shouldn't worry as much as i do.
god's gotta have control.

i'm ready for the next stage of my life, whatever that may be.
i'm terrified, of course, but i'm prepared. i go to college in less than seven months, and i know that i'll be taken care of.

i really miss hannah. she and i used to be inseparable, and now it's rare to even see her.
i thought this summer would be the thing that got us back to normal, but now i'm not going to youth camp with the a/g and it's throwing me off.
somehow i know that our friendship will last. and i'm thankful for that. i love that lady.

my dad's been sick with temperatures between 101 and 104 degrees for the past few days. we found out he has strep, but it's still scary and strange to see him so weak. i'm praying for a quick recovery; he can't stand not being able to work.

i miss my brother like crazy. it's killing me. i haven't seen him in weeks, and it gets worse everyday. sadly, since i wrecked, i can't drive up to see him. i hate that.
hopefully soon i'll get a new car.. and/or get mine fixed.

next weekend in the road trip to kansas city to see mumford and sons with jared. he's such an awesome guy.. we're gonna have a sweet trip!

until something more interesting comes into my life, i'll stop blogging aimlessly.
adios. ;]

lift your eyes up.

it's been awhile..

prom was incredible. i loved every minute of it.
derrick was an awesome date, and i got to dance with lots of friends. =)

i uhh... got in a wreck on the sunday after.
it was super scary, but we were all okay.

i'm so grateful for God's grace.

s i g h s.

"I think when you’re young, you’re hoping that this person will be the right one; the one you’re going to be in love with forever.. But sometimes, you want that so much you create something that isn’t really there." -Johnny Depp.

hey children. prom in saint james was crazy fun!
i'm crazy pumped for rolla's though.. derrick gonzalez is my date.
he's a super cool puerto-rican. =]
(luckily, i know spanish. ha.)

anyways.. life's been pretty great. messing up happens, but God's grace is so good.<3

i started going to the Standard last night, which is a college ministry. i seriously loved it. it'll become a weekly thing for me.

i'm waaay excited for summer - cards games, mumford and sons concert, parties, pools, and chicago. it'll be fun. i like fun. =)

til next time, i'm going back to work. see ya!

capture my heart, again.

sades and i went prom dress shopping just shy of five hours this morning.
i found a few that i like, and it was a ton of fun.
i'm so happy that i set her up with my bestfriend, ryan..
they're adorable together, and it'll be awesome to share prom with BOTH of them.

i need to be broken spiritually. i've been struggling with some things concerning my youth group, and i just feel like everything's gotten harder all of a sudden. somehow i just gotta chill.
i'm just so apathetic lately!

i'm not going to springfield for the summer like i had planned. instead of renting an aprtment there, i'm just gonna stay home and work as much as possible. i'm considering getting a second job..
notes from heaven is such an incredible place. i love it here.

i'm off to a youth night. i'll post more later : )

double stuffed.

i'm sunburnt.
whooo. :D

I really don't know who I wanna take to prom.
it's kind of annoying caring about something as unimportant as prom, but it's my last one.
i wanna make it count, and that annoys me :P
my dress won't be made anytime soon, since it's from China - they just emailed me saying it'd be here MAYBE by April 20th.
grrreat, right?

i'm really hating school.
this weekend we went to summersville for my grandmother's cancer benefit and returning to rolla sucked.
there, everyone was so laid back and chill. it was so nice.
then, back to reality, where i'm still just your average high school girl.

i should be 25 by now. ;)

i have to fill out scholarship junk today, and i'm not looking forward to it.
however, it's awesome to have an opportunity to get money for my writing.

i got first at state ad design competition through SkillsUSA. i was shocked.
the prize is a $2,000 for Linn Tech.. i don't wanna go there.
i just want to fast forward the next eight months!

saturday, i'm going to the springfield indie/folk festival. i'm pumped.
i'm taking a few friends with me, that'll be cool.
it's nice to know details early. :]

for now, i'm gonna go make a video for american lit with miranda, then sleep.
seeyuuuuh.

the smiles, the flowers, everything is gone.

State graphic design competition today..
Ive basically gotten NO sleep. All week.

But God is good! He moved in me on tuesday night at the awakening and then used it again last night.
I love that Joey lets the holy spirit run our services in youth.
I wanna crave more of God.
Its what Im working towards :)

Bonfire with Brandon was fun last night.. Hes a great friend!

I gotta go now - Panera hit up then headed to RTI.
Pray for us today!

work, work, work.. all day long.

today i'm working - open to close.
i actually like it. =]
i have the world's best job.. and it's monaaay.
blessed, yes.

i'm having lunch with scott and burbey soon. love those boys.
scott is one of my best friends.
he's also my accountability partner, so i'm very thankful for him.

i'm reading a little diddy that God laid on my heart for church tonight..
i'm stinkin nervous, even if it is just delivering His words.

i have state skills USA competition tomorrow for graphic design, so wish me luck! :)
i'm off to study for it..

have a wonderful wednesday!

what's the story, morning glory?

I need patience more than anything else. =)

Today's been nice. Slow. Calm.
We went grocery shopping as a family - it's been awhile.
We ran into my ex-boyfriend, Brett.
It was so.. weird. It was almost as if I had forgotten we dated until I saw him, then..
De. Ja. Vu.

Joey's preaching tonight; I can't wait to hear what God has given him to preach. It'll be great. :)

Brentley is leaving after service, and I hate it.
We're super close, but sometimes, it's just weird between us. Like.. We don't know how to be best friends AND siblings. It's awkward. Haha.
It'll be cool to live in the same city as him again!

I have nine months left in this little town, and I have no clue what to do with them.

This is the stuff You use.

Aloha!

Yesterday, Brentley and I went to Springfield. :)
It was nice to just.. get away.
We got to see Chris for a little bit, which was awesome. Christian and a guy named.. Greg? Gary? (I can't remember) ..were at Chris' apartment, so we got to talk to them a little too.
We watched some TV after they all left, then met up with Joe.
He's going through a lot right now, and it was nice just to fellowship.
We watched a couple movies, went to the mall, and just talked. It was awesome - very chill.
I can't wait to live in Ozark.

Today.. Brent and I spent the day shopping. Lol.
Poor guy didn't get to do any manly stuff at all this week, besides chopping wood. =P
It was fun, though. We checked out a new vintage shop, and got to just hangout for a day.
Plans with Hannah and Jacob kinda fell through tonight, because of the RIDICULOUS snow we got.
Yep. On spring break..
Whoo for Missouri! Ha.

Tomorrow, I get to see my bestfriend Tyler. =)
It's literally been almost six months since I've gotten to hangout with her, so it's about time..
Plus, it'll help take my mind off Brentley leaving!

I'm ready for January to get here. I've got to learn to be patient.. :)

For now I'm going to watch a movie, sleep some more, and try to waste the weekend.
Church tomorrow!

thursday night.

there's a bunch of people.
at my house.
i'm a happy girl. =)

springfield tomorrow, to see friends.
love my brother.
love my life.

re-evaluate who I really am.

Spring break has started.
I have a feeling the next few weeks I'm gonna be going through a lot. I'm praying for strength, and wisdom, and most importantly -a guarded heart. 
I can't get hurt again.
Not right now.

Sadie is coming over tonight, and that will help take my mind off things. I just need to be distracted. :)

Relationships are weirrrd. I don't like being young.

My song of the week is Sanctus Real's "Whatever You're Doing" ..Check it out.

I'm off to watch a dumb YouTube video to make me laugh, then get on Facebook.
Spring Break's crazy, huh? :P

PS - I can't WAIT for the awakening.<3

yum =]

Hola. =)
So, life's been pretty crazy lately! Nothing God can't handle, but it's definitely stressful.
My family life got kinda screwed up last weekend, but I'm praying that everything has smoothed over.
My grandma, who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, came and visited on Tuesday. It was one of the best surprises I've ever received. I've missed her so much.
Church was really good lastnight! Worship was led by a special guest from CBC, one of Joey's friends, named James. He had a great voice, and the whole service was anointed.

Prom is coming up! The theme for mine is "A Tale as Old as Time" like off Beauty and the Beast. :)
I picked out my dress - it's on Facebook - and I'm going to order it soon.

Either way, prom isn't as big of a deal as graduation is. December is creeping up so fast! :D
I'm starting to fill out scholarships and applications and FAFSA; this stuff consumes too much time! Lol.
It'll be worth it to have less debt in the end, but still. Gah.
I think Sadie will be living with me in Ozark in January, unless I start JRLC then and she goes to like, OTC or somethin.
I think it'd be kinda cool, but at the same time, I kinda just wanna start over fresh. However, if her living with me helps her, it's worth it to me. :)
I'm really really really glad Sadie has been coming to church with me. She's literally becoming one of my closest friends. We never fight or disagree on anything - we have TONS in common!

Speaking of close friends, I got to see my other half, Hannah, on Monday. The only reason she wanted to have dinner was to tell me she's going to prom with my ex-boyfriend, but I was content either way. :)  I love her.
I'm happy for them, which I wasn't expecting. I want her to be happy. I want him to be happy. Why not be happy together, you know?

Brentley is home from college. FINALLY. I can't even begin to tell you how much I've missed him. He's my best best best friend, older brother, and advisor. I've needed him around here. =[
We may go up to Springfield tomorrow to just chill for a day. I hope I find out soon, so I can make plans with work. :P

Spring break is beginning at 3 today.. And I'm gonna watch the Wizard of Oz for the first time this afternoon. Life is good.<3

Time for learning.. :)

for those who are interested..

life's awesome lately.
we just wrapped up a three week revival where almost 50 people were filled with the Holy Ghost for the first time!
two of those people were my dad - finally! :) - and Char, a girl from school who's been living with me for the past few months.
things were getting really rough with char beforehand, so I'm hoping this changes things.

I spent last weekend at James River Leadership College.
God moved so much! I'm definitely going there; hopefully this fall I can start classes. :D

While there, I got to spend time with my brother/bestfriend, Brentley. I miss him sooo much.
I met TONS of awesome people. They were all so inviting.
We went splunking while I was there -- it was my first time and I loooved it!

Joe and I ran across the expressway.. Haha. It was exciting.. Scary, but fun. =]
Joe is an incredible guy. He lifts me up, and has SUCH a heart for ministry.

everything is finally good.
..besides my homework.

later later. :)

=)

Today was incredible. :) 

I had school and all, but there was something peaceful about it..
I'm so stinkin blessed! 

2011 has already given me new friends that I absolutely LOVE.

Other news--I'm off tonight! I made pizzas for the brother and myself.. 

Hehe. I forgot about them.. Extra-crispy. =P 

Lol, I'm pretty pumped about this blogspot business. Whoo! 

Well, basically, I'm getting off here to go watch movies with a twelve year old. 

Later, kids. =]